the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
