Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
