bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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