so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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