Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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