White coat. Heels.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
