I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
