just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
