He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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