Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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