how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
