remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Even my vagina gasped.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
