Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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