call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
