we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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