How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
