your room smells of hookers.
And success
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
