grandma shit on top of the toilet
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
