he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
