I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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