I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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