I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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