clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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