"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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