It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
