Pants 0. Shit 1.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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