After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Randomize
