I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
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