I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
