We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
