We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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