No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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