Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
