All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
