my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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