Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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