About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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