Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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