I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
