Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
