google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
