I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
