I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize