Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just forgot I was standing up.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
