uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize