brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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