your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
