What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
