I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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