I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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