doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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