Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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