It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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