you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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