help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
That was before I lit my hair on fire
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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