Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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