Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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