in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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