how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
