none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
