I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize