I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
