Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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