Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
honey bunches of taint.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
