i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
