If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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