Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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