I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
