we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
