I looked at my own cervix.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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