If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Let's paint friendship bongs
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
