I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
