im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
