Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
no more duck duck goose at the bar
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize