My nipple is on Facebook.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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