Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I intend to get homeless drunk
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
