You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
