I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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