Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
operation have a gay friend backfired
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
