Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
