I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
