Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
