Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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