theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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