apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
