I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize