I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You smell like stripper and shame
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
