Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize