she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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