Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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