NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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