the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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