ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
