i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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