I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
