Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
