Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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