I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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