This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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