It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
