NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
