I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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