Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
