i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
