When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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