yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
