I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
