Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Also, beer. Big fan.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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