Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize