xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
