Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
