I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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