just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
