Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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